my birthday

my birthday was a good day. i got up early that day and went on my first run since my vacation and it felt like coming home. i had been worried that the time away would have depleted all my built up work, but i found myself quite as capable as before and found enjoyment in the whole experience. it helped that it was a beautiful day. my birthday often tends to be a beautiful day, often because of the weather but sometimes even despite the weather. like on the odd occassion my birthday has been an overcast day (like my 16th when fatima and her ilk got out of a bike ride around stanley park excursion) and it still seems beautiful. i think this is because i've always felt happy on that day, glad to be alive, and reminded of all the love around me. the people i love and the people who love me. i feel blessed and special. it's a special birthday magic and maybe that's why i try to hang on to it for as long as i can, spread it out over a week, a month whatever i can manage. anyways it seemed as though i left for california during a wintery spring and returned to a summery one, all green and lush and flowery. so once we got home heather and sarita presented me with a card. on the card was a picture of a book laying flat with a large pointed nose in between the leaves, like a bookmark almost. "that's odd." i thought. then i read the words "Mr. Dobbs frequently kept his nose in a book". ha ha. i got it then. inside it said happy birthday to an avid reader. (i'm not quite an avid reader anymore, but i sure used to be and maybe i can be again). inside the card was a gift cert. for chapters. so that's cool, i get to pick out a book. of course the sheer enormity of the choice might paralyze me for a while, if i'm true to form. because i need to make the right choice and seeing as there is no real right choice in this case, there is the possibility that i may be stumped for a while. i don't know why i have to be this way. maybe i won't. maybe i'll realize that it's not a life or death decision and that any book that i like and enjoy is the right choice, and it yes it does exclude the possibility of other books but on the other hand it is a possibility of an actual book instead of none, wich is the result of not chosing at all. it's been a day of self-reflection and self-analysis and i think it shows dunnit? well so i got ready for work, wearing one of my only nice tops, taking care with my hair and make-up and so on. it was a little reminicent of my elemetary school days when i would wake up early and put on my favourite dress on birthday morning, sure that the day held nothing but goodness for me. at work lisa had a card and a gift bag ready and waiting for me with lots of nice treats in it. she had advertized my birthday very well around the clubhouse so i got well wishes all day. i almost always feel loved at work, by someone. not a bad work feature in my books. my birthday at work was the beginning of a day of sugar overdosing. i got a doughnut during our morning meeting, a glass of cherry kook-aid two hours later, a little while later a grape popsicle, and an hour or so after that i had an icecream sandwich and a dilly bar (i got to have one of each because i was the birthday girl.) so much affection is liable to cause diabetes. after work i renewed my driver's licence, paying part cash and part interac, thereby leaving me approximately five dollars in the bank. yep i've been living on the edge since my trip. then i picked up steve from work. steve holds the firm belief that everyone deserves a birthday cake on their birthday, and this day he was stepping up to the plate. i got to pick out a cake, except i wasn't allowed the chocolate chocolate chip one because apparently chocolate chips ruin the integrity of the cake, luckily i also liked the chocolate fudge one equally. eventually we ended up back here where steve went to work on the cake with much industry. his specialty is butter icing. once fatima, and elicia showed up (randy was already there) and the cake was baked, we left for slimz, previously known as fatzo's. many a bbq-ed pork butt was eaten along with a few bbq-ed half chickens. after we had steve's marvelous cake and hung out for a while before everyone went home. sarita came home from work and we offered her some cake which she enthusiastically accepted, slathering on piles of extra icing ontop. she had two pieces and ate them joyously. i love how she is unashamed. i drove steve home, and he had charity on me and put some gas in my car so that i could survive until pay day. decent. he's decent. elicia says "he's a good guy". :) that makes him uncomfy, but it's true. steve started my birthday week off with a bang. monday was symphony night. and what a symphony. he surprised me by having real tickets, row 12 in the very centre on the isle. very nice. we had a guest conductor that night, a former boxer from estonia. his body was like an oblong rock. all the music that night was very passionate, but by far the most passionate was tchaikovsky's violin concerto played by an enthusiastic and beaming ukranian named Vadim Gluzman with the very violin it was composed for. it was pretty amazing. he played with abandon and was overcome even when he wasn't playing. he leaned back and closed his eyes during the flute solo, or bounced with the crashing rythems. i liked it a lot. after we ate at our traditional white spot. it was a good night. that was part one birthday, part two from him was a sister wendy my favourite art book, which i honestly wouldn't have thought of, but which is the exact kind of open your horizens type neat thing that i like. sister wendy helps you read the art. sister wendy is very cute with big glasses and rabit teeth. fatima ended my birthday week with special laura fatima time on friday. we were going to go to the beach, but i had a burning need to get the ring of fire checked out at the dr's, that we ended up only having time for dinner. we found a place called the fish cafe in kerisdale. i had fish soup, very tasty, and a blackened salmon sandwich. fats had her fish and chips. too battery she said. then we laughed. we had good talks and continued them in my room until one thirty. i'm glad i have a fatima in my life.

yesterday fate was cruel to me. steve and i had planned on seeing a movie that day. "plans have changed" he informed me that morning on msn and he told me about his sister's birthday bbq. normally this would be ok with me, but i felt a dread. "i have a problem." i confessed. "you don't have a cold sore do you?" how could he know so fast? i reluctantly admitted to the ring of fire on my face. the last time i went to a birthday bbq at his dad's i had a monstrous cold sore. and it was a long time ago. these people must think of me as a permanently disfigured virus prone person. i'm beginning to believe it myself. i wasn't sure if i would go, but after we grocery shopped at metrotown it seemed silly to go all the way back home. so i nervously decided to risk it. the actual dinner and night was ok once i got there and had no choice but to go in, but let's just say the build up to that wasn't good at all. didn't like it and don't want to go through it again.

today at church ericthenewguy said his testimony two times. two seperate times. i guess he wasn't finished the first time. had more to say. actually the second time was quite revealing and a little intense. jared started his with this phrase "praise the lord!" i really wanted to be alone to think and read, so i ended up skipping the rest of church and coming home. feel kind of sheepish. baaaaaa. i'm just glad i went to church at all, because this morning i really didn't want to. so i read a whole other book, felt fear in my chest the whole time, said a prayer and felt better. life is so messy sometimes.

night.