moody blues

i feel moody. don't know what's up with me lately. up and down up and down. flying high and flying low. just now i was cleaning the bathroom and i had a lump in my throat. a lump of sadness. a ball of tears. and no idea why. and feeling annoyed about it. and looking for some escapism. escapism is one of my specialties.

my computer moniter is filthy. something needs to be done about it. somebody should get right on that.

i have a lesson to teach tomorrow and i don't feel prepared for it. i mean i've tried to prepare this week but i haven't felt inspired. it's because i'm a martin harris.

last night i was all proud of myself. i was telling the girls about the garden discoveries i made earlier in the day. i was just about to tell them how i figured out that this mysterious flower we had was a peony and sarita said all nonchalantly "oh ya, the peonies?". stole my thunder. a couple of days before i had been excited about my newly found usefulness of ladybugs against aphids discovery and was just about to divulge this gem of knowledge when she said "oh ya all you need is some lady bugs." burst my bubble. little gardening know it all. i found a lady bug in my new garden plot this morning. my countenance smiled at it. i hope it stays.

i have a head ache and a cry in my throat and i'm not really sure what to do about it.

it's supposed to rain tonight and it's our house warming party. karey is really worried about it, but i can't bring myself to care. i feel detached from the whole situation. i just care about her stress affecting me adversely. that's the truth but it isn't pretty.

i wish i could blink and my room would be all unpacked and organized and my taxes would be done and my student loans would be paid off. it feels like everything is piling up and spilling over on me. i should remember this wish next time i wish on a star or an eyelash or what not. whatnot.

last night we were all sitting around talking in the living room under the brilliantly sparkling chandelier (sarita cleaned it and she was very proud of it. she kept turning them off and on) and heather pulled something out of the couch and looked at it. "oh it's just your bra." she said to sarita. sarita looked all sheepish and we all laughed. heather told us that sarita always does that and so she's used to it. karey and elicia said "so does laura!" well i used to. that was before the days of the comfortable bra. i used to get to a point where i couldn't stand to wear it any minute longer and off it would come. that's when i realized that i haven't needed to do that in a long time and i looked down at my bra and said a little thank you. thank you for being so comfortable and not giving me bruises or red marks, and yet fufilling your duty of shape and support. i appreciate you.