once upon a time i was falling in love, now i'm only falling apart. nothing i can do, total eclipse of the heart

yesterday i drove tania home from church and it was raining sooooo hard. i had to have the windshield wipers on the top speed and it was still hard to see. she is totally going through culture shock. throughout the day she had various dead give away comments like, when i was talking to her in the hall before relief society and casey came by and she said something to him in spanish and he kind of laughed ruefully and said "she's giving me a hard time for not calling her back." (i thought that was polite to include me that way) and she said that it was hard for her because in spain it was about manners but it was different here and it was driving her crazy. and then after relief society i was sitting in the foyer and she was standing talking to me. we had leftover cake from the rs. party on friday and they were serving it in the kitchen. "common, let's go get some cake." she said clutching at my arm. i explained that i was on a sugar fast. "but go ahead" i told her. " i don't want to go by myself" she pouted. she said spanish people are social and don't like to go places by themselves. "it's just to the kitchen and back. i'll be right here when you come back" i told her. finally she went, but the cake was all gone. then on the way home she was saying that we are more cold and reserved here because it is always rainy. and in spain they are warm and friendly and like to party all night, but we go to bed early. total culture shock. i gave her a little pep talk about exercizing because she said she could only do it if she had someone to go with her. i said if it was important to her then she couldn't use other people as an excuse to not do it. and went on in that vein. i think it was something she needed to hear.

when i got home i was putting chicken strips in the oven when i realized that the room was suddenly brightening and i went out the kitchen door to find the rainbow. it was a beautiful rainbow, clear and bright, with a faint double above it. i knew elicia was in the basement on the computer so i knocked on the door and got her to come out. it made us happy.

steve came over and had a couple chicken strips and elicia made us a salad, and we sat around in the living room and chatted and laughed for a while. karey and heather joined us later. one much laughed over memory was the dance when doug was new and barb reeled him in across the dance floor (she was aiming at someone else, but she caught a bigger fish) and he did this sultry dance towards her and we laughed and laughed. when everyone started to go to bed around ten, steve said he could stay one more hour and we began our study discussion of job. it was pretty good. i think i'm going to enjoy this study. in my head it seemed strangely linked to the movie we had watched the night before. the same theme of grief, i guess. well, of course we didn't notice the time until it was quarter to twelve, and after he left, i had a few short emails i couldn't go to bed without sending so i did that, and closed my eyes around one.

ten after six in the morning came too soon. the only reason i got up, was i knew that heather would be, and it would be mean to make her get up early for no reason. but it was a surprisingly good run. it went really fast and when it was time to stop i could have kept going. made me feel powerful.

it was a busy busy busy day at work today. it was go go go go all day. the daily, which i'm now responsible for, shopping, lunch, cleanup, baking for the board meeting, overseeing the sandwich making for the board meeting, clean up, getting the daily ready for the next day... i was only able to close the ktichen with the help of friends. it was while i was baking that i started sneezing. (not in the batter or anything) i thought it was just allergies, but i started to feel worse and worse and it soon became undeniable that i had a cold. and i do. darn it.

once i was home i read a few pages of tis, the memoirs of frankie mccourt, and fell asleep until seven. when i woke up i had some vague memory (was going to say 'remembrance', but apparently that's something i say that is incorrect.) that something was wrong, but it all came back to me when i stood up and stumbled into the living room. i ate my newly found sugarless, low fat creamy fruity icecream bar and made chicken strips. elica gave me her leftover veggies and karey asked me if i wanted to go for a drive. she sounded surprised when i said yes. "really? !" i guess i haven't been myself in a long time, without totally realizing it. she was dropping off a dinner for matt (for working on the academy awards movies) and her dvd player because they needed it. almost the whole way there we listened to total eclipse of the heart. we played it over and over and memorized it. the hardest parts were the 'every now and then i get a little bit...' lines. but i think we got it down now. every now and then i get a little bit terrified and (but?) then i see the look in your eyes. turn around bright eyes... it was fun. it was stinky at pete, chris and matt's house. p.u. i asked pete what that smell was and he said all proudly "isn't it clean?" like a little boy. he borrowed my chariots of fire dvd because it was in the dvd player and we had to get it out, and then he wanted to watch it. he said he's doing the sun run and maybe it will inspire him. i reluctantly allowed it, but made him put it in a case in front of my eyes and promise to give it back to me on sunday. fox walked in and said "i love chariots of fire. it's an awesome movie, man" "ya, eric liddell is laura's boyfriend" piped up karey. "uh-hu." i affirmed. then pete started singing "na na na na na.. na na na na na... " and fox came in with another part of the music. and that's how we left them.

and now karey's invited her cousin dawn to come with us on our trip. without asking me first. have mixed feelings about this. but i guess it will be ok. it's not for sure that she's coming.

it's a bad week to be sick. lisa's away all week. UNfair.