i got the chill-chills.
it's cold down here. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. i've searched for any heat controls down here, but my search has been in vain. alas.
today is a different sort of day. different because it's a work late do the social program day (we're going to wallmart! hip-hip!) and different because i got up at ten to seven on my sleep in day. unheard of. absurd. well it's because today was a walk-run day with heather and she leaves for work in the eight thirtyish time frame. last night i foolishly watched law and order with heather and sarita. karey watched too. you know it was like they were watching it, and you were feeling companionable with them, and so didn't want to leave, and then the story catches your intrest, so you stay. it was an episode that reminded me why i decided not to watch that show any more. it was the creepiest most disturbing story ever and it left me with a lingering evil yucked out feeling. (as an aside, the weird thing was that martin short of all people played one of the creep-ohs. he's pretty good and being sick and derranged) so you're feeling the bad vibes and then it's time for bed. baaaad timing. so, i was all suspicious of this guy i could see from my window. he's in a house behind ours, and was working on his computer or something. he wasn't doing anything suspicious per se, but i felt exposed because of how big my window is and how there's not a proper window covering at this time. i have to change in the dark, which makes a creepy situation creepier, and i study my scriptures by light of a flashlight so i won't have to get up and go turn off the light after, so at first i kept an eye on him, but then i had to turn away to study and at times i had to stop myself from checking over my shoulder. in the end scripture study chased away most of the creepiness within and sleepiness made it a fading concern. when i pried open my rebelious eyes this morning it looked a though it might have been raining and i groaned within myself and missed my cozy bed before i was even out of it, but forced myself up anyways. it turned out that it wasn't raining. it was just a dull mist. of course if one is forced to be up early and out in the world, one would wish that one had a beautiful morning to enjoy, but one has learned that one can find streaks of pretty in the gray. that's the way it was today. it was dull and grey out, but the cherry blossoms were a delicate pink and light white and even in the dull air they had their charms and the best thing was the fragrence that wafted down to me as i walked under their boughs. it's at moments like those that you hear ralph saying to ponyboy "stay gold ponyboy, stay gold." :)
a blessing: i think the asthma monster is starting to fade again. i'm having less attacks, and i'm losing that overall unwell feeling. karey has had a bad cough for a couple of weeks. it's weird to hear her tell me all about it. how she coughs so hard she can't breathe, and it makes tears run down her face and sometimes makes her throw-up, and how she can't sleep because she wakes up coughing all the time. it's all so new to her, and so old to me, and i want to say unsympathetic things like "now you know what i feel like.", in vindication for all the times i heard "oh it's just her asthma." but the truth is, it's not about me, it's about her and who better to have empathy, than one who's experienced? so i smother those inclinations.
a little reading in a cozy bed and perhaps a naperoo seems in order...
today is a different sort of day. different because it's a work late do the social program day (we're going to wallmart! hip-hip!) and different because i got up at ten to seven on my sleep in day. unheard of. absurd. well it's because today was a walk-run day with heather and she leaves for work in the eight thirtyish time frame. last night i foolishly watched law and order with heather and sarita. karey watched too. you know it was like they were watching it, and you were feeling companionable with them, and so didn't want to leave, and then the story catches your intrest, so you stay. it was an episode that reminded me why i decided not to watch that show any more. it was the creepiest most disturbing story ever and it left me with a lingering evil yucked out feeling. (as an aside, the weird thing was that martin short of all people played one of the creep-ohs. he's pretty good and being sick and derranged) so you're feeling the bad vibes and then it's time for bed. baaaad timing. so, i was all suspicious of this guy i could see from my window. he's in a house behind ours, and was working on his computer or something. he wasn't doing anything suspicious per se, but i felt exposed because of how big my window is and how there's not a proper window covering at this time. i have to change in the dark, which makes a creepy situation creepier, and i study my scriptures by light of a flashlight so i won't have to get up and go turn off the light after, so at first i kept an eye on him, but then i had to turn away to study and at times i had to stop myself from checking over my shoulder. in the end scripture study chased away most of the creepiness within and sleepiness made it a fading concern. when i pried open my rebelious eyes this morning it looked a though it might have been raining and i groaned within myself and missed my cozy bed before i was even out of it, but forced myself up anyways. it turned out that it wasn't raining. it was just a dull mist. of course if one is forced to be up early and out in the world, one would wish that one had a beautiful morning to enjoy, but one has learned that one can find streaks of pretty in the gray. that's the way it was today. it was dull and grey out, but the cherry blossoms were a delicate pink and light white and even in the dull air they had their charms and the best thing was the fragrence that wafted down to me as i walked under their boughs. it's at moments like those that you hear ralph saying to ponyboy "stay gold ponyboy, stay gold." :)
a blessing: i think the asthma monster is starting to fade again. i'm having less attacks, and i'm losing that overall unwell feeling. karey has had a bad cough for a couple of weeks. it's weird to hear her tell me all about it. how she coughs so hard she can't breathe, and it makes tears run down her face and sometimes makes her throw-up, and how she can't sleep because she wakes up coughing all the time. it's all so new to her, and so old to me, and i want to say unsympathetic things like "now you know what i feel like.", in vindication for all the times i heard "oh it's just her asthma." but the truth is, it's not about me, it's about her and who better to have empathy, than one who's experienced? so i smother those inclinations.
a little reading in a cozy bed and perhaps a naperoo seems in order...
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