hand me the chipper!

i've been engaging in some embarrassing behavior. this is not the kind of behavior that builds pride. this is the kind that makes you think "who am i and why am i doing this?" a sensible self respecting person would keep this to themselves. i'm gonna share. so last night karey made butterscotch brownies to bring to the pot luck today. when i got home from hotel rwanda they were there on the stove tempting me, but i did not partake because i was fasting and i knew it was for the potluck, so you can't very well dig in if you don't want to get in trouble. this morning they were tempting me again. i'd walk by, almost take a swoop of butterscotch icing, remember i was fasting, put the spoon down and walk away with some amount of regret in my heart. well it turned out that the brownies were all hardened around the edges and karey only brought the middle pieces and when i came home, there they were--a challenge. i chipped away at them a little with a knife while i made my grilled peanutbutter and pickle sandwich, but i didn't get into them in earnest until just now. i got home from dropping steve off, grabbed the brownie pan, a sturdy spoon (a better chipping utensil than a knife.) and sat down at the computer to read blogs and chip to my heart's content. well perhaps the computer station is not the best place for chipping away at hard brownie pans. i was just getting into the chipping, digging the spoon way down deep under the stubborn brownies when all of a sudden something gave way and the brownie chunk, flew through the air along with smaller crumbs and pieces of hardened icing, and landed on my keyboard. this is where i realized the foolishness of my choice of chipping station. but this is not where i stopped my chipping behavior. the war was on. i turned my keyboard over shook all the crumbs out, and i must say, i shook out much more than some brownie crumbs. there were some displaced longterm residents, i believe. i went on chipping, only taking care to hold my hand over the brownie chunk as it was chipped at. this only worked so well and i shook my keyboard out at least one more time, before i had the aha moment and faced my chipping tool in the opposite direction. by this time i was becoming an exper chipper and getting whole intact pieces at a time, sometimes two, and i was getting cocky. i was also getting full of sweet. (no not a basement sweet sarah) but too much sweet did not stop me. every brownie must be conquered. it was then that i showered myself with brownie chunks and icing. they pelted down on my head, down my shirt and onto my lap. "i'm a fool." i thought at this point.

speaking of hair, i straightened mine today. straightening made me notice just how boingy it really is. i mean, i was having a particularily bouncy curl morning, and then as i straightened each piece with karey's ceramic flat iron, it seemed a shame to crush the curl, and yet there was something satisfying about it too. i didn't have anyone to pick up for church today and so i took all the time in the world, giving special attention to stubborn curls and consequently did all my make-up at red lights and waltzed in ten minutes late, just in time for them to start the sacrament prayer and for me to wait out in the foyer with all the other late comers. late comers like yolanda and mercedes and their mom. yolanda and her mom spent a lot of the time picking white dog hair off of mercedes' black skirt. late comers like oriana and tania. tania had spent the night at oriana's, which i thought was nice for her, but apparently it makes one late when two must get ready in two locations. tania hugged me right in the middle of my conversation with mike, who seems to be doing very well. i'm proud of him. he's a good kid. late commers like mike mussen who hugged courtney burgess who i haven't seen for a while, but that could just be that i sit in the front and have a certain tunnel vision problem.

besides being late, i felt really good at church today. i was having a good fast and i felt a warmth of the Spirit glowing inside and for the first time in a long long time, i felt like going up and bearing my testimony. but i had to sit for quite a while and figure out at least a semblence of what i wanted to say, and by that time people were starting to pile up in the front rows. the waiting rows. i didn't want to do that. but i wanted to say my testimony more and more, so i made a deal with Heavenly Father. i said, if you want me to bear my testimony, let there be a pause in the line up and i'll go right after the last person, and there was and i did. and i felt good about what i said. it was what i was feeling, and i could feel it when i said it. i didn't just recite it like sometimes happens. i did make the mistake of implying that i seemed perfect, which made everyone laugh (hmph) but that's not what i meant to say. i meant to say that i know i have a good girl image and that i don't always live up to that image, unfortunately. then i said something along the lines that i've made mistakes and that the thing i hold onto, the thing that anchors me, goes back to my mother and my father teaching me how to pray and not only how to pray, but to believe in prayer and answers to prayer and so enabled me to have a personal relationship with Heavenly Father that i can't deny or really let go of for very long and that i know he hears my prayers, every little prayer and he answers them and that they taught me about the atonement and to believe in Jesus Christ and his power to cleanse me and i do. i do believe that. i heard president yates say an emphatic amen. a lot of non regulars bore their testimonies today. it was our day i guess.

i have to give a talk in three weeks too.

we met with gladys this morning to go over things and to sign. she's giving us the keys tomorrow. whoopwhoop. i'm realizing that moving time is not a good time financially to get new furniture, however great a time it is for new beginnings. what to do?