listening to motab christmas cd. the same motab cd that i was just beginning to listen to last night and elicia asked me to turn it down a little because she was going to bed. me: no problemo-- head towards the stereo to turn it down. karey-at-times-the-grinch: sitting at the computer chatting with eedie on msn and doing the weekly announcements-- i'll gladly turn it down!-- turns it down to a whisper. can't sugar coat it. it was quite snotty. where is the chirstmas spirit in our bleak undecorated house? must i be the lone twinkle?

it's time to talk about my neck. yes my neck. the very neck that is and has been in agony since saturday after shopping. i sat on my bed, and reached up to take out my hair. this mundane action became a pivotal moment, because from that moment on, my neck and shoulders have been in open rebellion. this rebellion involves much pain, stiffness and limit of movement. it means when karey tells me to roll over in the early hours of the morning (because of my snoring practices) i try but cannot lift my head. i whimper and try again. no. i use my first aid skills and support my head and neck by grabbing the back of my neck at the base and grabbing my chin in the front and manually lift the head from the pillow thereby allowing the body to roll over. it means when you stand for the hallelujah chorus (did you know that that's what you do? i didn't, but i liked it), teetering in your high graduation shoe, that there is no comfortable way to hold your head and you feel like your head is hung out farther than your body. like the hunchback of the orpheus, i told fatima last night. quazimodette. last night karey did a kind deed. she heard me telling fatima about my pain in the neck, if you'll allow, and she got up from the computer and microwaved a beanie bag heat pad thing and tossed it to me. this felt like pure heaven. maybe i'm not the lone twinkle aftterall.

handel's messiah was good. steve said it was a c+ performance, but what do i know, it was my first time. i sometimes got lost in the words and i felt the spirit. there was a part when the brian orser lookalike bass soloist was singing about resurection morning and about the trumpet sounding and he was accompanied by the most beautiful trumpet solo. i was like, hey where'd that trumpet come from? the trumpet guy was sooooooo good. it was clear and beautiful and the melody danced along side the bass' song, echoing, dueting. i liked. i liked a lot. if the bass was brian orser, the tenor was will farrell (is that how you spell farrell?). the soprano always beamed when she was done her part, and looked up towards the balcony. this was my first experience with a counter tenor. a counter tenor is a man that sings like a woman. it's kind of weird because you're looking at a man and you're hearing a woman. i'm not afraid to sound ignorant and say i don't quite understand that whole deal. steve thought that he was korean. i asked what his name was. it was lee. i said that's a chinese name. that's when the whole chinese-korean-lee debate began, which was basically just outrageous nonsense arguments coming from one stephen a. and sensible ones coming from yours truly. the truth was that the said stephen a. felt sheepish about the korean comment when if he looked at the name he would have seen right away that it was a chinese name. basically it was a saving face argument, which was rather far east of him. plus i think it gave the said man some kind of delight to exasperate me.

stephen liked his presents which makes me glad because i had some doubts about the book. the others i had really not a doubt about. i liked my present too. a lot. you know i have a lot of thankfulness in my heart to said stephen because knowing him has finally given me an outlet to the yearning i've felt for so long to know and experience and share with someone the beautiful things like symphonies, conductors, violinists, pianists, operas, concertos, adaggios, and so on. he always has something wonderful to introduce me to, and it fills up an emptiness somewhere. his enthusiasm for the things he likes has always been an endearing quality. i like it. and i was thinking about all i've expereinced and come to love, and the new thoughts i've had since knowing him and i feel like it makes me a better person and it adds a quality of life to my life, an added grace and i'm thankful.

sunday was a busy special day. it was a day when i finally felt the true christmas spirit descend upon me like dew on the morning grass. :) leeshy and i got ready early to go to choir. we picked up the girls on the way and barb-lump-o'-coal-but-not-happy-about-it-goulet too. if i was feeling uneasy about our upcoming choir performances, our choir practice did nothing to alleviate those fears. five sopranos showed up and one alto. that's it. by the end of practice, i felt my voice starting to go. president kennedy seemed strangely unphased by our obvious lack of people and talent. i said some silent prayers. our christmas sunday was the choir's four numbers, some scriptures and some congregational songs. at one oh clock, there were about ten people in the congregation. they waited. finally at about ten after they began, and slowly people petered in and made it look more full. we also aquired sister kennedy and oriana who thought we sang last week, for the alto section. all pretty strong altos so, that was good. and something christmassy happened. i think it was the spirit. the spirit can make things beautiful. things that have a beautiful intent, and that is to praise and celebrate the birth of the savior of the world, but which have less beautiful instruments of conveying that intent. we weren't breathtaking, but we were better than we were, and people felt it. our hardest song, was apparently our best song. say what you will but i think it was a tiny little christmas miracle. relief society was on the savior, and it was very special. it was the kind of thing i needed to hear and i thought about it, and it's the kind of doctrine i'm hungry for. every time i hear it, it's what i was waiting for. it's what i want to remember. then we had dinner at jackie and kaisha's, had our visiting teaching message, on self mastery (is that especially for me or what?) and mike mussen was there to visit teach them, so we got their message too, which was the joy to the world dvd. then we went to the stake christmas musical fireside. there was this one beautiful number done by the ward girls, the wood girl, and the brotherston girl, and there was the children's bell chorus, and there was the congregational hymn led by sister comm. she told us we had to pay attention because there would be an interlude between the first and second verses and she would slow it down at the end of the last chorus. she said it was our time to shine. she said she thought we would really enjoy singing this hymn. smile. the piano and oragan were playing together and we stood and sang hark the harold and there were so many people and it was so powerful and you could sing at the top of your lungs and not stand out and i love the words about risn with healing in his wings and and hail the heav'n born prince of peace and light and life to all he brings. and i sang with my whole heart. it was a dramatic moment.

then i dropped the girls off and dipped the turtles in chocolate and knit and talked to sarah on the phone and then fatima. fatima was telling me it was my bed time and i said i don't have a bedtime. i'm on holidays. and when i was falling asleep while she was talking to me, she put her lips right up the receiver and said "WHY ARE YOU FALLING ASLEEP?" then i woke up. fatima told me to put pillows under my knees when i slept because that takes the pressure off and not to sleep on my side, and so i did, and i didn't. but i wanted to change positions so badly this morning. i tried it, but she's right, it didn't feel good. i can't believe i'm so injured. what's up with this?

well today's the day i go home. and i've got things to do.