it took me so long to get ready yesterday. everything i needed to do, took so much exertion and was so painful. wrapping presents was so unpleasent it took the joy and the art right out of it. i gave up on trying to do my usual extras of bows and ribbons and such embelishments because not only was it too painful, but the pain made me hurry and it looked pathetic. i finally got out of the house by six thirty. i rushed to sultan cuts hoping the threading ladies were still open for business. luckily i caught one of them just as she was leaving. phew. otherwise i'd have had a bushy holiday and that's just not right. then i stopped for a free subway sub and headed to the ferries. didn't get there until seven thirty so had to wait for the nine. i knit the whole three hours of waiting and ferry riding. it was a little fatiguing, let me tell you. i kept having arguments with myself. i'd say "you don't need to go all out. you won't be done by christmas. there's no way you'll be done. i know you'd like to be done, but there's just no way. give up." and then i'd reply to myself mid knit "ya but if i work really hard, maybe just maybe i can. maybe it's possible. wouldn't it be nice to give a finished product?" "impossible. be realistic!" "well i'll keep going nevertheless." "stubborn old fool." that's me. foolish.

just after i had parked and was taking all of my stuff out of the car, my cell started ringing. it knew it was probably mudzie and as i was strained with an impossible load to take in, i ignored it thinking she'd see me in a couple of minutes anyways. and sure enough when i walked in she asked if my phone just rang. she said she thought i should have been there by now. "i was." i said. speshul was out with a boy and preshus, layne and i sat around and talked and looked at the christmas album. it has pictures from many of the christmases past. i was such a cute kid at one time. sigh. stay gold ponyboy stay gold.

when speshul got home preshus and i enjoyed exasperating her with our annoyingness. then we all sat down to sing some songs from the reader's digest christmas collection song book. we started with drummer boy which i started off low and lingering. almost too lingering. bethany accompanied with harmonized flourishes that made me laugh and amay did the percussion. we did a few more, but soon the sound of dad and layn arguing about anti-mormon issues in the kitchen ruined the mood and the twinners went to bed. i put on finding nemo in my room. ya. i get a room this time! i get karen's room. it's so nice to have a place while i'm here. i think mom was glad she could give me a place, and that she didn't have to endure my i have no place nobody loves me routine. anyways i knit for a while but i was getting too sore and i fell asleep right when marlin does after the jellyfish rescue.

today i've been slummin. i finally had a shower at around one thirty. i had no clean undies, when i got here, having put off going to the laundry mat to the very last, as per usual, so i put on a load before my shower. just scraping by--that's my style.

this morning i woke up at seven thirty like clockwork. to bed by two, up at seven thirty. i started knitting again and put in finding nemo where i fell asleep at. it wasn't long before one bethanyjanepreshuspants came in and joined me. we watched a white christmas after that. we all agreed that bethany's betty and amay's duck bummed judy. we liked bing's lingo. he was one hip guy. a hipster.