looks like a dark day. feels like a dark day. it looks like i'm stuck with perry for good. so either i have to help him live, or give up on him ie.let him die ie. kill him. i waver between these options. on the one hand he's unresponsive to my loving nurture, rejecting my attentions as it were, so what else can i do? but on the other hand it's against the grain, my grain, to give up. i mean, i could just be doing the wrong things to help perry, and he's not really rejecting me, he's really still in need. karey doesn't like him on her cd stand, but to me there is something beautiful about his wild profusions. so i guess i'll adopt the poor abandoned little guy. for now.
i feel sad this morning.
yesterday at ikea i found out my duvet cover is lost and gone forever. like clementine. you know, "oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling clementine, you are lost and gone forever, gone forever, clementine." steve and i had jello and raspberry swedish soda made in the usa. i spilled because my middle name means 'walks with grace'.
think i dreamt about onegin all night. the tender entreating way he repeated "vladymir" before the duel. vladymir's eyes, and onegin's sobs. the whole desperate tragic last scene. sigh.